Tuesday, December 24, 2024
Dear Mom. Here it is Christmas Eve 2024, and you are heavy on my heart. The lights on the house are so pretty. I even put new lights on our crosses this year so they shine ever-so-bright. The Christmas tree is beautiful and the presents are stuffed nicely under it. The stockings are hung by the front door, and yet I sit here with tears streaming down my face, missing my Mom. It’s been a little over a year since you passed away. While I’m told that the pain becomes less and less with time, I don’t think I’m anywhere near that point yet. I miss you Mom. I miss your smile and your crooked little grin. I miss the way you would say “that way", just like your Mom did. I miss hearing you call my boys Pumpkin. I miss giving you a hug and being able to give you a kiss on the top of your head while my arms were wrapped around you. I miss hearing you say “ I love you”. I wish you were still here with me Mom as I miss you dearly.
I remember when your Mom passed away, how you would be sitting there, and for no apparent reason, breakdown with tears streaming down your face. I understand now Mom. There will be a thought of you flash into my mind and invariably, tears will come to my eyes. I try to be strong, but my heart still aches. Sometimes I wonder if I could have done something different to help ease your suffering, or somehow helped you live a better life as your time grew short. I guess I will never know, but I sure do wish I would have done more for you, and spent more time with you. I know sometimes I would get so wrapped up in my own little world and I would forget how large of a role you played in my life. I owe you so much, please forgive me for my selfishness. You showed me how to love someone unconditionally and how to forgive someone when you’ve been wronged. Those lessons have shaped my entire life and I will be forever grateful.
I guess I wanted to leave you this message Mom partly to express my love for you, and partly to tell you how much I miss you.
Thank you for being the kind hearted woman that you were and teaching me that love wins. I will be forever grateful that God put me in your life, as your son, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to pass on the love that you always gave me. Thank you being there for me Mom. I know you can’t be here, but I have to say Merry Christmas, because that’s what you’d want me to do. Until we meet again, I will always love you.
With undying love,
Your Jason Edward
